Ray DeForest: Remembrall

“Remembrall” turns red to remind the person who holds it that they have forgotten something.  How I wish I had one! 

I have recently been witness to my own mother’s increasing dementia. She is turning 80 this year and we had to put her in assisted living to make sure she was safe. My dad passed away almost 10 years ago. I sit with my mom every Wednesday and we just talk. She still remembers so many details from 50 years ago, but an hour ago, well, the “Remembrall” goes red. So many memories float away each day of her life. There is little one can do but watch it happen. 

It made me start dwelling on my own mortality. I’m turning 51 this year. What will we do and where will we go later in life.

The Associated Press reported that, according to advocacy groups, an estimated 2.5 million gay seniors in America are twice as likely to live alone, four times less likely to have adult children to help them, and far more fearful of discrimination from health care workers. Many fear anti-gay animosity or bias at senior centers, in nursing homes, and from health care providers. Some gay elders even keep their sexual orientation secret from the home health aides who may provide their only sustained company. 

Our community dwells on youth and anyone over the age of 40 is told they are old! Ageism. Ummm, HELLO! I am not old! I look better than I ever did (ok maybe a few pounds to lose) and feel freer to be me than ever before. My circle of friends is stronger now than it was 10 years ago, and I have an amazing partner in my life. But what if I am alone later on? It seems older gays are now forging strong relationships with younger friends. There are actually younger gays that look to these “Golders” as having something very special to share. 

AARP sponsored a national conference focused on gay and lesbian aging organized by SAGE (Service and Advocacy for GLBT Elders). This was a breakthrough for all of us. We are not getting any younger, but it seems we are not alone after all. We will not be overlooked once again! We are fighters. We have faced so many things before. We know what it is to take care of our own community. I welcome the days sitting in my electric golf cart waving to the other gays as I whiz down to the club for a Cosmo! 

As my partner plans out my birthday celebration I try to remember all the birthdays that came before this, my “Remebrall” doesn’t turn red! 

Hugs and Love…