Ray DeForest: Swim Trunks and Badges

Mom and dad were part of a group of friends that formed a wondrous playground known as Hillside Swimming Club! It was a fantastic place to grow up and spend summers. It was surrounded, at the time, by acres of woods that we would explore all day. Those woods were complete with brooks and streams, salamanders, turtles, wild blackberries and every kind of bird you can imagine. On the edge of those woods, bordering the pool, members would build their own picnic tables and bring a grill. We would have a champagne breakfast almost every Sunday at that table. Dad loved those times. He would bring his cast iron pan, and cook up a pile of fried bacon. Then he would make us the most delicious fried eggs in the bacon grease. Sometimes, he would let me pop the cork on the champagne, and it always made me feel so important. As I slowly pushed that cork out of the bottle, he would shout “Aim it high!” and we would take bets on how far it would go. That table was the center of activity all those summers. We would stay late into the weekend nights, gathered around the table with friends, singing and telling stories. I remember my sister, Nancy, standing on that picnic table one warm summer night, surrounded by “Hillsiders”, and singing “Chattanooga Choo Choo”. It was simply wonderful!

There was a clubhouse for the adults and a huge (or at the time it seemed so) pool complete with 2 diving boards. We had tennis courts, a basketball court, softball field and a creepy old grounds keeper named Jim! Mom would drive us there every weekday morning so we could have our swim team practice while she would lounge poolside in her bikini with the ladies. I had good friends there, and we always anticipated the summers together. There was so much to do at Hillside. I loved everything about it. One of the highlights for me each year was receiving my “membership badge”. It showed I belonged to a group, and I wore it proudly. It was a small piece of white plastic printed with the Hillside name and year, and a pin through it. I made sure it was always firmly attached to my bathing suit. I cherished those badges each year and I still have them. I remember the year I graduated from my cloth swimsuit to the new improved “professional” swimsuit. It was my first Speedo! It was blue nylon, (lycra didn’t exist yet!), and was so uncomfortable to wear, but, it meant I was part of the team! I lived in that suit with my badge pinned to it all summer. I felt like I really belonged! It took so little to feel like you were a part of a group back then. A simple plastic badge and a bathing suit was all I needed, but it made me feel like I had a group on my side. When I was in high school, I donated money and wore my POW/MIA metal bracelet to show support of the missing men and women in Viet Nam. It made me part of a group that cared. Then it was the red ribbon pin to show my support of so many friends I lost to the AIDS epidemic. There have been rubber bracelets, pink pins, flags, t-shirts, even tattoos, to show you believe in or belong to a group. Today I wear an Aquaman ring that I had made for my partner and myself to show we are “connected”.

For a good majority of my “grown up” life, I felt like an outsider. I traveled the world working in countries and meeting people from all walks of life, but with little attachment to a “group”. For the most part, I was a gay man in a straight man’s world. Surrounded by wonderful people, but without the “connection” I longed for. Luckily for me that changed as the years went on, and now I feel I have a wonderful group of people that surround me with love and support. I have many younger friends in their early adulthood who say to me… “Why do we need a gay bookstore, I can just go to Barnes and Noble?”, “Why do we need a ‘gay’ center?”, or “Why do we need to have anything labeled ‘gay’?”. We have fought for our rights for many years now, and continue to do so. We’ve come very far in social acceptance, but still have a long way to go to be looked at as equals when it comes to our government. As with many groups that have fought for acceptance and equality, you can get lost as you strive to become “mainstream”. Many times along the way we lose our identity and then have to go back and find it again. In the 70’s and early 80’s our own community looked at butch "bar dykes" and flamboyant "street queens" as negative stereotypes of lesbians and gays. Veteran activists such as Sylvia Rivera and Beth Elliot were sidelined or expelled because they were transsexual! We thought we had to fit into the mainstream “mold” or we would never win our fight. We hurt our own to forge ahead. That has changed and a new era has come where we as the LGBTQ community have come back together and have realized being “Gay” means many things. I am proud to be included in this group. Being part of a community gives me a sense of who I am and gives me the strength and support I need. Everyone needs acceptance, love and support. Many don’t get that from their families, so it is our job to help them and make them feel like they are a part of this wonderful group called “Gay”.

I love being who I am. I wouldn’t want to be anything but that. So as I get ready for my day ahead and I slip on my Aquaman ring, I think back to my little badge. Who knew that piece of plastic and uncomfortable blue swimsuit would help propel me so far in life. Thank you Hillside Swim Club, you helped make me who I am today!

Hugs and love

MORE FROM RAY | Ray DeForest: Who I Am | Ray DeForest: Remembrall | Ray DeForest: It's Fundamental! | Ray DeForest: Date Night | Ray DeForest: The Devil Wears Parka | Ray DeForest: Those Wonderful Toys | Ray DeForest: Gidget Goes Hawaiian | Ray DeForest: Buddy L | Ray DeForest: Mirror Mirror | Ray DeForest: Wonderful | Ray DeForest: Seeds of Change | Ray DeForest: Mannerisms